what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
