we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
