It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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