My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
