so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
