he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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