I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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