he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
only if we run a train.
done.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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