yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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