my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
