I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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