I accidentally burped into my bong.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
