C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
