I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
