I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
We just shotgunned beers for America
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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