Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
