Define "chronic" masturbator.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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