I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
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