No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
