i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
