I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Randomize
