You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
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