My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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