I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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