She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
