I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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