Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
