i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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