I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
