i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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