i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
