He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Duck Duck Cougar?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
