Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
