I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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