This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
