i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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