Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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