It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
