And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
