I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
