I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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