At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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