I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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