I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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