I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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