Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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