I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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