Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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