I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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