Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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