So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
