I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
