That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
