PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
