Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
