I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
