Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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